We reached out to our Stemettes to ask them to share their STEM & STEAM dilemmas with us, so we could ask our wonderful role models to answer. This month, we got this question:
“I have started my first job, and a new colleague has been hired for the same job in the same position. He had a pre-existing relationship with the hiring manager/team lead who got him an interview. However, I can’t help but feel in direct competition with him. If he has been given an opportunity that wasn’t extended to me, or if he takes up the majority of the meeting, I can’t help but feel threatened/lesser. The team lead also constantly praises him. How do I navigate this?”
Here’s what our role models said…
- Hello! Firstly, I know how hard this is, and it is really easy to compare yourself to them, but you will have been hired based on your own merit and achievements. Find your allies at work, those who will advocate for you and sponsor you for your voice to be heard. I used to feel similar to you in that others would speak for longer or be asked for their opinions, but I would continue to chip away. Then, when it came to my turn to host meetings, I would ask the full room/table/call for their input as part of the introductions and within the AOB. Once more voices are heard and given space to be heard, then naturally you and others will have further opportunity to speak up. Also, don’t forget to note, highlight and celebrate your successes; this might be at the end of each week or every other week to highlight what you have achieved. This is important to have to hand when catching up with your line manager or team lead so that they can recognise you. It is also worth actively seeking out opportunities that you are interested in. Some may say to say yes to everything, but please do protect your wellbeing and only say yes to what you would like to do; it is also important to remember when to say no too. Best wishes in the role, and keep being you – Kit
- Hello! It must feel like this person got a strong foothold by already having good relationships with people in the team. This is a difficult scenario, but rest assured – it will not affect you long-term. Think about what this person has over you. Is it confidence speaking in meetings? Is it good relationships with other team members? These are all things you can build yourself over time. Whether you are in direct competition or not should not affect your behaviour or your performance. You should still show up doing your best, showing initiative, and building connections within your team. Unfortunately, fairness is not a given in many workplaces. Try to not build resentment towards your colleague, but rather focus on your performance and protecting your peace. If, over time, clear favouritism is still shown, then you might have to ask yourself more difficult questions about whether you want to stay within that team. – Anon
- Hi! Being in this position can be tiring and stressful, but first of all, please know that what you’re feeling is completely normal. Starting a new role is challenging enough without feeling like you’re being compared to someone else. When I first started my apprenticeship, I joined alongside another person in the same role. Over 10 years later, we’re very good friends. What we realised was that neither of us was actually trying to compete with the other—the sense of competition often came from assumptions made by people around us, or from the comparisons we made ourselves. It’s understandable to feel concerned when a colleague appears to receive more praise, opportunities, or attention. However, it may help to remember that their success doesn’t diminish your own. Sometimes managers invest in people differently simply because they see different strengths and development needs. Rather than focusing on what they are receiving, try to concentrate on what you can control: your own performance, growth, and relationships within the team. Consider what unique skills, perspectives, or strengths you bring. You and your colleague may have different qualities that complement each other rather than compete with each other. If opportunities arise that you’d like to be involved in, don’t be afraid to express interest and advocate for yourself. Managers aren’t always aware when someone feels overlooked, and showing initiative can often open doors. A little healthy competition can be motivating, but when comparison starts affecting your confidence or wellbeing, it’s important to take a step back. Never be afraid to voice this to your manager – their job is literally to make sure you can complete your work to your full potential. Also focus on learning, building your own reputation, and celebrating your progress. In the long run, collaboration will take you much further than competition. Remember: someone else’s success is not your failure. There is room for both of you to succeed. Best of luck – Lauryn
